If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
