if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
