okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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