He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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