I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
