Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
