i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
