She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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