That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
