Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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