My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
