Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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