Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
