Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
