i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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