I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am available for nakedness
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
