I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
