Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
