I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
