I can't watch pbs sober anymore
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
