***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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