why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
