Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
