# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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