I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He passed out mid-signature
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
