no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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