We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
