Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
