If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
