I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
