Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
