I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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