i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
