Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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