Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
