it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
