Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
