Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
