I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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