I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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