Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
