He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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