Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
