Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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