i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
