conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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