I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Couch. On fire.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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