??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
