I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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