i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
