she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
