She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
