It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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