Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
